Oprah Winfrey Fixes my Seven Year Itch

I still remember that conversation several years ago. It was an off-site meeting from work. Out of the blue, somewhere in the midst of it all, we were addressed as 'future leaders'. I did not see that coming. Questions swirled. Lots of them.

When did I suddenly become a leader? Why now? How? Was it because I was managing more people? What was that precise 'cut-off' when I ceased being a manager and transitioned into a leader? (Regular readers will easily discern my dilemma; after all, I have partially addressed it here, here, and here.)

But I had a more fundamental issue. For years, I had truly believed that entry level engineers at work or stay at home women running their household could be leaders in every sense of the word. So if 'years of experience' was irrelevant to leadership, what was?

Thus began a journey of seven years of discovery. (Note to newly-weds: The seven year itch is real. Just that it has nothing to do with marriage most of the time.)

I love commencement speeches. The speaker tries to pack years of experience into something that grads can relate to. Wisdom is dispensed in a manner that is not sanctimonious. And there is much to reflect on.

Oprah Winfrey's commencement speech at Harvard in May was one such gem.

The challenge of life, I have found, is to build a resume that doesn’t simply tell a story about what you want to be, but it's a story about who you want to be. It's a resume that doesn't just tell a story about what you wanna accomplish, but why. A story that’s not just a collection of titles, and positions, but a story that’s really about your purpose. Because when you inevitably stumble and find yourself stuck in a hole, that is the story that will get you out. What is your true calling, what is your dharma, what is your true purpose?

Oprah was asking grads to discover why they exist (you will not get answers right away, she added, and boy, wasn't she right) as the first step. I recalled a saying that I read elsewhere that seemed to be the perfect next step. The longest distance that you will ever take in life - it goes - is the eighteen inches between your heart and your head. Aligning what we do (action) with what we want (passion) is that second step.

Which brings me back to Leadership. The best definition about Leadership that I have read in these seven years has been from the book What You're Really Meant to Do. Robert Kaplan defines leadership as the ability to figure out what you believe and then summon the courage to appropriately act on those beliefs. These actions must be geared towards adding value to an enterprise and making a positive impact on others. No mention of titles, empires, budgets or power.

And therein lay the answers to my long quest in simple terms. When you discover your calling, undertake that 18 inch journey, and repeatedly demonstrate the courage to live your beliefs, you become a Leader.

No one said this would be easy. But it holds good for entry level engineers. For stay at home ladies. And for people that carry seven year itches.

Women's Advancement in the Age of Mayajaal

We humans are an interesting bunch. Someone suggests a visionary way forward and we say that it does not meet the ground reality. Another points out how things are changing on the ground and we question the larger purpose.

Women must relentlessly advance and be on par with men. This statement is wishful thinking for some who point to orthodox Islamic societies or primitive Indian rural enclaves as examples of being anything but empowering. Others question the meaning of such advancement when women in general do not feel safe on our streets. They argue that advancement does not matter when life is in danger. 

It seems we constantly like our Top-Down vs. Bottom-up debates....

The Pentagon yesterday approved women to serve on the front lines of combat. A former Marine in the Wall Street Journal questions the wisdom. You can read it here (warning: some parts are graphic). When hygiene is compromised - he asks - should we not follow societal norms? Guests on Morning Joe that I watch online every day think otherwise. Women, they argue, have been on the front lines of combat for a while. This move just formally recognizes it. 

So I ask you. Is the Pentagon move a top-down approach where the agency's vision allows more women to get into combat roles? Or is it a bottom-up move where a vision blesses an already operational activity?

On Sep. 11 2001, a bearded extremist unleashed terror. His view was that women must not interact with men in public and must remain in the household. It turned out that his relentless pursuer is an American CIA woman (name unknown and called Maya in the movie Zero Dark Thirty). It is Maya who repeatedly clings to - and relentlessly pushes - the idea that the path to Bin Laden must lie through his personal courier when others think otherwise. (Note to Bin Laden: An American woman got you. Howzzat?)

So I ask again. Was there a Maya because the CIA changed rules to allow women in clandestine roles decades ago? Or did the CIA already have women in such roles before the agency formalized it?

And we can forever extend these questions to women in leadership roles,women in labor-intensive jobs  who just want to make ends meet, and to countless women who are not even allowed to step out of their households. Such debates can be emotional, spirited and occasionally frustrating.

But it is in the intensity of such debates that we miss the broader point. In our search for absolutes, we forget that the evolution of human action is much like economics (nobody understands a thing until some PhD cracks it decades later to win the Nobel Prize). Life always has been a combination of top-down and bottom-up. And does the approach really matter? After all, rudimentary laws allowed men and women to work once upon a time. When women entered the workforce in large numbers, laws were enhanced to guarantee equality. Some pockets remained regressive resulting in a soul-lifting Malala Yousufzai or a tragic Jyoti Singh Pandey. In response, the society will evolve with better laws and tighter enforcement.

This is called development. It is chaotic but forward leaning, and imperfect yet relentless. Improvise we must, but never should we lose heart.