Wednesday, January 22, 2014

My Airport Body Scanner Adventures

I am writing this while flying over icy Lake Michigan - reminiscing great moments and wonderful friends I have made during my few years in this part of the world. This lake has always amazed me. For its sheer vastness. For its seeming calm. And for its relentless ability to blow strong winds on its western shores while blessing eastern Michigan with copious snow. The Lake is always a conversation topic.

But let's talk about something else. About these exciting machines that look like space capsules that you so wanna kiss. You see, back during my childhood, I loved picture books with space capsules. The closed space & white body suits fascinated me and I grew up wanting to be an astronaut.

God was kind. He knew my deficiencies. And prepared me for a job I was better suited for. Yet, somewhere in the overall karmic scheme of things, He has ensured that I am in close touch with my first love.

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, I am talking about these wondrous machines called Full Body Scanners at airports. Whoever designed them sure had a great sense of humor. I am positive that he wanted travellers to always be mentally alert while traveling. And so designed the game called 'Keep Guessing'.

I passed through the London Capsule last week. Wearing the same stuff  I typically wear. But the London Dude had other plans. He beeped. The screener told me to remove the shoe and pass. Beep again. Turned out that my belt was the culprit.

JFK was a charm. The Glassy Gladiator let me past with my belt on.

Atlanta Cockpit was next. It beeped coz of my 2 micron gold chain. (Question to you Dear Reader: why do these scanners catch a thin chain but NOT chunky gold rings?)

Milwaukee  Miracle was next. It beeped coz I had the belt. At EXACTLY the moment I finished Security Check, the airline paged me to return to the ticketing counter coz TSA cannot open the TSA lock on my suitcase. (Got that? I didn't). 

After going all the way down, I gingerly approached Security Check again. I removed my belt, said my prayers and watched all the TSA staff laugh at me as I approached the Capsule. 

It beeped again. 

This time, it was the gold chain.

Boston, Philly, Mexico City and SFO are next on my list. Dear Airport Scanner, I think I got you figured. I will remove my belt and pack my chain. 

And yet I know you will surprise me. 

Aah.... the joys of flying!!!!

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